I have a strong attraction to pretty women who can use the word "doodlebug" correctly in polite company.
It comes from a childhood spent being too uncoordinated to shoot baskets. I'll explain.
It does not happen frequently, that I meet women whose conversation – over white wine in plastic cups, as I recall – flows sensibly over doodlebugs and in and out of CRM and Old Blighty and other topics without a pause or any more disturbance in the aural flow than you experience when a woman uses words such as "brandy snifter" or "credit card."
But when I do, it is… memorable. Let me tell you about such an experience. It proves the adage that one's customer loyalty is only as deep as one's employee loyalty.
It was the fall of, oh, let's say, 2002. Yes. That sounds right. I had started my own freelance writing business, focusing on Customer Relationship Management, a business I knew something about and which seemed fairly intuitive. To this day I describe CRM to people I meet at church as "the multibillion dollar industry dedicated to telling businesses that it's good to be nice to your customers."
They smile. They do not seem surprised.
I received a call from… no, that might not be accurate. I might have solicited a visit to the Software Firm's headquarters in North Carolina. I forget. Honestly. It is 1:07 in the morning in Istanbul and I have had three glasses of Turkish wine. Please forgive me, but I cannot remember who initiated the visit, I only know that when I asked if I should fly down from my then-home in Richmond for the company visit, the lady told me that from Richmond it would be faster if I drove, and that they would reimburse me per mile.
That leads me to conclude that the visit was at their instigation. If anybody has experienced a firm reimbursing them for expenses undertaken not at aforesaid firm's behest, please do let this Humble Reporter know. I should very much like to be in contact with aforesaid firm.
As I have said it was the autumn, and I had just finished restoring a 1972 Volkswagen convertible orange Super Beetle, a.k.a. The Third Child, so I said that's fine, I'll drive. I had a new Blaupunkt sound system in the car and Van Morrison's
Saint Dominic's Preview on CD -- German car, German sound system, Irish music, I got that progression right -- so I was all set for a road trip. Diet Coke, some Ritz Crackers and off I went.
Yes, for those of you reading this on company time, under the presumption, given the title, that this would be an article contributing to your understanding of CRM, this is, in fact, an Officially Certified CRM Article detailing the value of employee loyalty to The Bottom Line. It's just that some are better written than others. Some are, in fact, the sort of writing you would read if you didn't have to. But don't worry. It's still good for you. There is an ROI. Measurable. So don’t feel guilty.
I arrived at the Software Firm, and proceeded to the front desk. I was told, and I may have been told this ahead of time, but I honestly don't remember, that I would have Ms. Boadicea Rose for my private "media escort."
Well. I had never rated a private "media escort" before. I wasn't any big name in CRM, I was just some guy who'd had a few pieces published. So you can see how I tend to think it wasn't a huge media event.
My expectations were not high. Not at all. Never having had a private media escort I did not know exactly what to expect, but I was not expecting Boadicea.
She met me, a lovely lass of approximately my vintage, at my hotel after I'd checked in… come to think of it, the Embassy Suites was at their expense too. Okay, this must have been at their expense. Still, the point I'm -- leisurely -- making holds. And yes, it is a point which will benefit your management of your present firm's relationships with its customers by illuminating the value of loyal employees. Good heavens, patience, my friend.
Ms. Rose and I spent the most wonderful day together. As I recall I was given an information pack soon after the introductory handshake, and a listing of the appointments I would find most beneficial to me for private interviews. Ms. Rose would accompany me to my scheduled meetings, escort me to the group presentation there was that afternoon -- an insufferably pompous jerk, as I recall. Ms. Rose did her job valiantly, however, and shushed me when I made snide comments.
Whatever they're paying her it isn't enough. In fact, the Software Firm is ahead on the deal.
While I was with Ms. Rose during business hours, she impressed me as someone who really, really liked working for the company. I have no recollection, and I am being serious here, I am being straight from the shoulder, my friends, when I say it was a most enjoyable drive down because I avoided the Interstate highways and when I say that I have no recollection of the substance of the business particulars as they pertained to the expense-paying Software Firm. I have but faint recollections of the people I spoke with, although they impressed me, truthfully, at the time as exactly the sort of person I'd want coaching my children's sports teams and teaching their Sunday School classes.
No, what I remember is Ms. Rose going far, far above and beyond the call of any reasonable duty in taking me out swing dancing in Raleigh that night, spending more time with me than her job must have required and, over the white wine, telling me of the doodlebugs. And I thought, and think, that there is a company doing something right.
Doodlebugs were the V-1 rockets Hitler used purely as vengeance weapons ("Vengeance-1") to inflict as much punishment on brave Londoners as he could after D-Day, when it was obvious to everyone the war was lost. The buzz bombs, or doodlebugs, were launched in one last attempt to cost as much English life as possible before the Americans and Russians met at Berlin.
Doodlebugs were the Scuds of their day -- inaccurate weapons, of limited military value, launched only for their psychologically detrimental value and whatever bonus points they could score by killing a mother here, maiming a child there.
I had read about the valiant Battle of Britain as a kid while the other kids were playing basketball, and was thoroughly fascinated with the history. Funny that one day I'd marry a New Zealander whose father flew for the RAF during those dark days. But it is rare in America to spend an afternoon with a lovely lady who can discuss the British experience of having the doodlebugs show up on their collective doorstep.
So to be on an expense-paid business trip, and have the company's "media escort" so obviously love her job to the point where she would relive what was also so obviously territory way off the job and rather into her own heart, by sharing her feelings about the Battle of Britain in general and doodlebugs in particular, well. What sort of company engenders such employee loyalty?
We went out for dinner, she showed me her favorite swing dance club in Raleigh, tried to show me a step or two, I thoroughly embarrassed myself, she took me back to the hotel and bade me a good night. I've never had such a charming "media escort" since.
So I was not surprised to learn, shortly after -- or no, it must have been during -- my visit that it rated #2 in employee loyalty in its field. Neither am I surprised -- I would be surprised if it were not the case -- that the Software Firm is highly profitable, year after year. Because if you can show me a firm with an employee of the quality and loyalty as my media escort, I will, in turn, show you a firm which I would bet my bottom dollar engenders equally strong customer loyalty. And equally eyebrow-raising profits.
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