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That One Time I Wanted to be On Hold a Little Longer

May 02, 2013

It’s not Friday yet so I feel slightly less guilty about sharing a tragic statistic with you: Over the course of a lifespan, the average person will spend 1.2 years on hold waiting for a call. Depressed yet? Don’t worry: It’s almost the weekend, the summer gods are starting to answer our prayers and there are only 26 more days until Memorial Day weekend—but who’s counting?


But facts are facts, and if I am going to spend a year and two months of my life on hold, it better be a memorable year.

Well if UberConference keeps having Alex Cornell produce game-changing on-hold songs, I feel slightly better about “the lost year.”

Let me backtrack. Last week, I had a really neat experience. I called into a conference bridge to speak to one of my clients and—because I am compulsively early to everything—found myself on hold. The auto-attendant politely informed me that I was the only individual in the conference room. No surprise there.

But then, something incredible happened. A song started playing. And not one of those “I’d rather listen to a 10-month year old scream than this awful music” songs. Rather, a new tune that was mellifluous and catchy.

‘Is this a country song?,’ I thought to myself as I heard the guitar strumming. ‘Ah it must be,’ I confirmed when I heard the raspy, compelling singer belt out his lyrics. ‘Do I know this song?,’ I wondered. Then I listened closer to the lyrics.

“I’ve been waiting on my friends, yes I’m waiting on this conference call… all alone. And I’m on hold. Well yes, I’m on hold. I hope it’s not all day,” Cornell sang.

Nope. Definitely not a Braid Paisley song.

But it was incredibly engaging. Cornell was singing (and talking) directly to me—sharing in my “on hold” frustration. Then suddenly, I wasn’t frustrated about being on hold anymore. I was intrigued by the lyrics and couldn’t stop listening.

The song “I’m On Hold” includes wonderfully crafted lyrics about the experience of being on hold—from the initial wait where you think nothing of it to the point in time when you start questioning whether you messed up the day/time of the call to the final wave of irritation that runs through your blood when you think about five other calls you could have had in that time slot. If you are so lucky to be on hold for one minute and 38 seconds—yes I said lucky—you get to hear an awesome break in the music about a guy who was on hold all day. And for those who are still on hold at two minutes and 19 seconds, Cornell urges you to say on just a bit longer and to not give up.

And guess what? I didn’t.

In fact, I was enjoying my time on hold. I found myself jamming to the song, chiming in at the chorus and starting to bop embarrassingly in my seat.  When my client joined the conference call at around two minutes I was temporarily disappointed that I wouldn’t get to hear the end of the song. (Don’t worry, I asked my client about the song and downloaded it immediately after.)

My client employed a brilliant tactic. By opting for an unusual and rhythmic on-hold song, it increased the likelihood that its customer base would not only remain on hold, but would be left with a really good feeling about the experience. In a world in which the average caller hangs up after being on hold for one minute 55 seconds and one in which 34 percent of those callers will not call back, my client covered its tracks. Hang up? The thought never crossed my mind. Conversely, I applauded my client for making my on-hold time so enjoyable.

Here are some cold facts about telephone service:

  • Customers who are on hold without any background music mistake a 30seconds of on-hold time for 90 seconds.  
  • Executives spend 15 minutes a day or 60 hours per year on hold.
  • Eight to 15 percent of a company's customer base is lost each year—68 percent of which is because of indifferent or negative phone treatment.
  • On average, seven out of 10 business callers are placed on hold.

Stats are stats and they clearly spell out the fact that we are spending a significant portion of time on hold. Companies who make that experience more pleasant are immediately at an advantage over their competitors who resort to antiquated, cacophonous melodies. 

I want to thank my client for putting me on hold and I would like to thank UberConference for understanding just how painful being on hold can be.

Now… if you’ll excuse me… back to my jam.




Edited by Justin Reynolds



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